BIONIC EVER AFTER?
A film review by Tim Voon
Copyright 1997 Tim Voon
Directed by Stephen Stafford Cast Lindsay Wagner (Jamie Sommers), Lee Majors (Steve Austin), Richard Anderson (I) (Oscar Goldman), Farrah Forke, Martin E. Brooks (Ruby Wells) Written by Norman Morrill
Yes the bionic man and bionic woman finally get married, and about time. Lindsay Wagner still looks great, and Lee Majors hides his cellulite well.
This movie perhaps draws to a close what many viewers who watched the TV series in the 70's have been waiting for; but before the pre-nuptials are allowed to tie the knot, their love for each other must be go through tests of adversity uncommon to ordinary couples.
Jamie's circuits are breaking down, her bionic arm is experiencing similar symptoms to what humans would describe as Parkinson's disease; her bionic ear is also playing up but what is the cause of her problems? She believes she is dying and the plot for a moment delves into the familiar territory of day time soap opera when Jamie calls the wedding off because she doesn't want Steve to look after an invalid. She then lapses into a coma and we are made to watch the bionic man reduced to tears at her bed side.
At this point I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry with him. I was hoping for a spectacular introduction in which Jamie and Steve kick major butt with those wonderfully annoying metallic sounds of bionics at work which we have become familiar with. But not so as half the movie is wasted on the ins and outs of their personal relationship in which Oscar Goldman becomes something of a marriage counsellor????
Steve insane with worry for Jamie needs to keep himself busy, so he returns to work for Oscar Goldman and the O.S.I. His assignment takes him to the Bahamas where he must rescue a group of hostages held captive in the American Embassy. Jamie wakes from her coma with the help of Ruby Wells, who discovers that somebody has planted a virus in her circuitry. He fixes and upgrades her as we would a 486 to a Pentium II chip; she now has night vision and very good aim. They discover the saboteur is an O.S.I. operative on assignment with Steve who is out for revenge for past wrongs. Jamie must now save Steve and the hostages and finally we get to see some action.
Jamie knocks down doors, breaks chains and throws metal grates with the same ease and charm she did two decades ago, and Steve -- well Steve's got the virus and isn't much use, but he does save the day with his bionic eye.
This is great material to reminisce over. The days when we waited with great anticipation for every episode of the Six Million Dollar Man and The Bionic Woman; when we dreamed of having as marvellous the technology as they, so we could venture out to beat up the bad guys.
Timothy Voon e-mail: stirling@netlink.com.au
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