BATMAN AND ROBIN
A film review by Terri Buchman
Copyright 1997 Terri Buchman
BATMAN AND ROBIN: ahm, well, that was something. I'm not quite sure what, but that was something. I'm not sorry that I went, but I'm not sure I'd go again. It had terrible, horrible, teeth-grindingly bad dialogue that made me want to slap not only the credited screenwriter, Akiva Goldsman, but every Elementary school teacher who ever told him he could write. (What could they have been thinking?) On the other hand, there were some solidly gorgeous visuals in the flick, the costuming was a hoot and Uma Thurman ain't half bad as Poison Ivy. So, I'd say flip a coin. Heads, the visuals win and you get to spend two+ hours in air conditioning. Tails, the dopey plot is just too difficult to take.
This is one loud damn picture. (Which is actually sort of a mixed blessing, since some of the idiotic dialogue is acutally drowned out. Just thank the Divine for small miracles and pass the popcorn.) I'm not exactly sure of the specific plot sequence, but it doesn't really matter. Batman and Robin get another couple of psychotic bad guys to fight, one armor-clad uber-male and one barely clad uber-female. The Caped Crusader has also been very busy in the old Bat-metalshop and has come up with a host of new bat toys that I almost actually saw. (It was a somewhat dimly lit picture. Why Warner Bros would spend mega-bucks developing all these cool toys and then forget to light the set so that the audiience can acutally see them is beyond me, but there it is.)
Let's see, what else do I remember.? (It was that kind of a picture. You have trouble recalling what the heck was in it ten minutes after you leave the theater.) Well, Chris O'Donnell was in it. This was actually a highlight of the movie for me, since my 12 year old daughter has a huge crush on Mr. O'Donnell and sighed heavily every time he came on screen. (You haven't lived until you've been to an action picture with a love-sick preteen. I knew parenthood would be tough, but I never thought I would have to warn my daughter about getting involved with guys who have obvious rubber fetishes. On the other hand, it made the picture more interesting.)
I really, really like George Clooney. He has a nice screen presence. Unfortunately (And it kills me to say this, because I really like Mr. Clooney) his Batman is not really very good. (No wonder my daughter has a crush on Mr. O'Donnell instead of Mr. Clooney. Mr. O'Donnell has a pulse and his Robin is a bit of a rebel. He's very cute. Mr. Clooney's Batman acts like the dorm mother in a large frat house. "No, you can't get your own car until you've proved you can handle it. No I will not loan you money. You have lousy taste in women. Would you stop whining all the time and act your age." Geez, if I were Robin I'd leave Wayne Manor and set up shop somewhere else. Batman is getting a little stodgy and difficult to be around.
Alicia Silverstone plays Batgirl. Yawn.
Okay, everybody loves the Bat-Villains. (Well, sorta. I loved Catwoman in the second Bat movie, but I hated the Penguin. I loved Nicholson's Joker and Carrey's Riddler. I tolerated Tommy Lee Jones' Two-Face. That's not a bad villain track-record.) Ahnold is ahm, well Ahnold. This poor, poor man is saddled with some of the worst puns and lamest, dumbest dialogue I've ever heard. (See .sig below. I've seen a lot of dumb dialogue and I am, generally speaking, a forgiving woman, but even I have a limit.) It's as though someone took all the dalogue from past Ahnold movies and put them in a Cuisinart and then gave him the finished product. The character's costume is fun (RoboCop Lite) and Ahnold certainly seems to be having fun with the part. But the character doesn't really take off and start doing this joyful dance of psychotic rebellion that the best Bat-Villains do. The character is weighted down by an indecisive plot that can't decide whether Mr. Freez is a deluded and sad character or a silly upbeat homicidal freak. I still can't figure it out. (Geez, they stole the characterization from one of the best episodes of 'Batman: The Animated Series.' The least they could have done was run with it. Victor Freez, sad and pathetic character who was, in a way, a victim of love.) Ahnold ain't a victim of anything and his Mr. Freez is an anti-climax.
Uma Thurman is wonderful as Poison Ivy. Batman has a long tradition of infatuation with the wrong woman and Ivy is a truly messed-up Bat-Babe. Thurman is lively and beautiful and graceful and underclad as the luscious and vengeful Poison Ivy. She is the highlight of the movie. (Well, I also have a soft spot for Michael Gough who has been Alfred the Butler through all 4 installments of this series. He has surely endured a lot.) Ms. Thurman's performance isn't as rich as Michele Pfeiffer's was in BATMAN RETURNS, but she is a strong and funny character and is almost worth the price of admission.
Gotham City is wonderfully, breathtakingly brought to life. (Damn. Writing this makes me think of that line of dialogue from BULL DURHAM. To paraphrase: This picture has a multi-million dollar art design, but a ten cent brain. Too bad.) Particular highlights include shots of all those wacky giant sculptures and a gorgeous and fully imagined shot of Arkham Asylum. (Could someone please tell MR. Schumacher that in the next picture we would like to see some of the stunning visuals put to good use. Hey, maybe we could break a few wackos out of Arkham, let them use their brains and give Bats a real challenge. That might be fun.)
Anyway, I can neither recommend nor discourage anyone from going to see BATMAN & ROBIN. It depends on how you like your action flicks. If you like bright, loud, splashy popcorn movies and don't mind bad dialgoue and extremely fuzzy plotting, then go, have fun. (Hey, if you happen to like lots of shots of black-rubber clad toushies, then this is the picture for you.) If you want movies to make sense and you want a picture that slows down for five minutes so that you can actually find out what the heck is going on, then pick something else.
terrib
I really liked some of it. Honest-to-gawd. But then again, I really, really hated parts of it. Go figure.
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