THE ENGLISH PATIENT
A film review by Tim Voon
Copyright 1997 Tim Voon
Cast: Ralph Fiennes, Kristin Scott Thomas, Juliette Binoche, Willem Dafoe, Colin Firth, Naveen Andrews, Julian Wadham, Kevin Whately, Juergen Prochnow Director: Anthony Minghella Producer: Saul Zaentz Screenplay: Anthony Minghella based on the novel by Michael Ondaatje Cinematography: John Seale Music: Gabriel Yared
This movie gave me a neck ache, a backache, a bum ache and a headache. I took two toilet breaks, waded through two litres of coke (to help me stay awake) before it finally ended.
I spent 162 minutes of precious time to find out that the 'English Patient', (Fiennes) was a count who was an adulterer, a traitor and a murderer; all as a result of his fooling around. He ends up scar-faced and unrecognisable so we are meant to feel sorry for him.
I don't buy it, but everybody around me did (especially the women all of whom were snivelling with sympathy).
Perhaps I'm being too hard on him, after all he is a dying man. How about the 'English woman' (Scott Thomas) who is involved, perhaps she is of good character and somebody worth saving; but alas, she is a wealthy snob, who has a loyal, caring husband and I'm beginning to feel sorry for her already.
The only person that I had any sympathy for in the entire movie was the husband who was cheated on. Perhaps he shouldn't have crashed the plane, but sealed the 'English patient' and the 'English woman' up in that lovely cave to give their romance some time to chill.
This movie is undoubtedly the con artist film of 1996. It conned the audiences, the critics and the Academy Awards, all of whom failed to see that it is nothing more than a glamorised story of two uninteresting, English aristocrats.
The scenery and cinematography is undoubtedly spectacular, and the lull of the soundtrack will reduce you to tears.
Comment: Get rid of Fiennes and Scott Thomas, bring in Garbo and Valentino. Then perhaps the screen will start to sizzle.
Timothy Voon e-mail: stirling@netlink.com.au
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