BATMAN AND ROBIN
A film review by Ted Prigge
Copyright 1997 Ted Prigge
Director: Joel Schumacher Writer: Akvia Goldsman Starring: George Clooney, Chris O'Donnell, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone, Michael Gough, Pat Hingle, Elle MacPherson, John Glover, Vivica Fox, Coolio
The last line (or near to that honor) is the great butler, Alfred (the ubergod, Michael Gough) saying, "I think we need a bigger bat cave," or something to that note. That's exactly what this film is - too big for its own good because it has too damn much. Cut Batgirl out. Cut one of the villains. It's too much to handle in one dosage. It's so much that characters get left behind. Poor Elle gets a mere 3 scenes and a subplot which is introduced but never finished in any way, shape or form. And Elle deserves better.
This is the fourth in the gigantic film series and the second from director Joel Schumacher. It's also the fourth worst in the series (and second worst from Joel). The series has been declining since its stunning debut, followed by the almost-as-stunning sequel and then the anti-climactic third one (first by Joel). This one's not anti-climactic - I knew it was gonna suck. It's up to Joel to make it fun though. "Batman Forever" was fun. This is a big bore of over-produced action sequences and shallow characters. I mean, this one bit.
I'm gonna put all the plot in one paragraph: Mr. Freeze (Ah-nold), who's wife was dying of some disease, has become the new big villain these days. He's a huge ex-scientist who fell into some weird liquid (Hello? Joker?) and now has a body temperature of a big fat zero and has a blue body. Batman (George) and Robin (Chris) fight him a bit but find they're growing apart. Meanwhile, another villain shows up, Poison Ivy (UMA!), who was a dorky scientist chick working on flowers in South America with a twistet scientist (John Glover) who kills her when she finds out he's used her research to develop an uberman, Bane, who is basically a man pumped with chemicals which probably killed any personality he ever had. She emerges from her chemicals (don't ask 'cause I can't tell ya) as a sexy woman (the real Uma) who's poison when or if you kiss her and has some aphrodiasiatic scent she blows at people. She starts to tear away at the dynamic duo. Meanwhile, Alfred's dying of the same disease Mr. Freeze's wife has (but in an earlier state than she), and his niece, Barbara (Alicia), comes all the way from Oxford without an English accent to get him away from the butler trade, but soon (well, not really soon, it takes her 2 hours) becomes Batgirl. MEANWHILE, in an unfinished subplot, Bruce (Batman's alter-ego, if you forgot) has been dating the lovely Julie Madison (the even lovlier Elle MacPherson) who wants a commitment after a year but he says nothing. End of her for all we know. Mr. Freeze ultimately teams with Poison Ivy and they want to freeze the world and then take it over growing new plants as their population (Don't ask!!!). The trio must team together "as family" to beat them.
There ya go. Not the whole story but no big context clues. Too much, right? Right! The films seems patched together of nice little ideas which would have made for a couple good sequels. However, while Tim Burton nicely balanced the villain/Batman storyline (although not wonderfully), Joel seems to do almost nothing with Batman in this one. He gets some corny speeches, a couple clever lines and that's it. Maybe some stunts. For all this, I can't even comment on George Clooney as Batman - I hardly saw the guy! And when I did, he had horrible dialogue to say. I think Michael Keaton is the quintessential Batman but Val Kilmer was too robotic and fake as Batman in the last episode. George is in between them. He's not quintessential, he's not horrible, he's good. But I'm sure next time when they decide to renovate the series since they'll be critically murdered for this sorry effort, we'll get a good script and Clooney will shine (if he still has the job).
The villains are the only interesting part of the series according to Schumacher. Last time, we had the brawn of Two Face as played by Tommy Lee Jones and the brains/comedy supplied by the Riddler as realized by Jim Carrey. This time we have a somewhat sympathetic and somewhat hatable villain (the same guy), Mr. Freeze. We feel bad for his mental/physical collapse but does he really need to kill everyone for plants? Arnold isn't very good - too hokey but kinda sympathetic at some points. When he watches old movies of his wife, he actually looks somber. Wow.
But Uma makes the most of her seductive character, getting the right point between hamminess and seductiveness. It's like she's almost parodying herself in "Pulp Fiction" at points. She's incredibly hot and makes the movie pretty much a star better.
As for the lower Bat-people, Chris is the same as he was in "Batman Forever," although I think his work in these is too hokey when he's best at quieter parts in "Scent of a Woman" or just plain cool parts in "Fried Green Tomotoes." Alicia - I love the girl but she's not particularly good in this film. She can hypotheitically act, we all saw that in "Clueless," but her lines kinda sound weird. And it isn't the mushy-mouth this time. But in all fairness, she has virtually no part. Joel gets around to her occasionally and when she's on, she does stupid stuff...although I know I'm not the only one who loved the catfight between her and Uma...
And poor Elle. Poor, poor Elle. I love that woman and she can also hypothetically act (for those of us who saw "Sirens"). But she has no part!!! It seems like Joel had so much footage that he had to edit almost an hour out of the final product. There are no "couch" scenes (like my best friend noticed). Now listen to me on this one - in every "Batman" flick, there's a couch scene. In the original, it was with Vicki. In "Returns," it was a good make-out scene with Selena. And in the last one, it was a chat with Nicole. This one, it's nothing. And Batgirl does next-to-nothing in this film till the end when she's suddenly "part of the family."
Fortunately, we get a lot of Alfred. He's the always reliable butler, in case you didn't know, who has been with Bruce all his life. He's a god. He's a father figure. He's also dying. This got to me. I love Alfred almost as much as Bruce and to see him in a robe, not in his tux, and freaking dying just gets to me. We also get the idea that he might have been unhappy the whole time...but this is never answered, as this film is too cluttered.
But in defense, it does have some good parts, other than Uma. For one, George IS a good Batman but unfortunately gets nothing to do. And there are some nice touches. When they show the asylum at one point, they show the patient's belongings in a room and we see the Riddler's costume. I laughed. And during a biker scene (involving Robin and Batgirl - another subplot never handled past initiation period), we not only see Coolio but a bunch of bad-asses dressed as "droogs" from "A Clockwork Orange." I laughed at all these.
The film falls apart around the five-minute mark during an enormously long action sequence which must last around 20 minutes...or did it just feel like that? The film should serve as another in the long-line of films which demonstrate that we need more intelligent films nowadays. People are fed up with stupid films. That's why the word of mouth killed "The Lost World!" That's why last year, indy films grossed more than ever. That's why this will have a strong box-office initative from people who just want to see it, like me, but will die after a week or two when the word around the grapevine kills it. That's why the next two big-budget aciton pics are John Woo's "Face/Off" and Barry Sonnenfeld's "Men in Black," both which are the first two to catch on to the wave early on.
I like Joel Schumacher more as a person than an artiste. I like some of his films ("Flatliners," "A Time to Kill") but a lot of them suck. He's a really eccentric person and I loved one of his quotes about how he admits to being a mediocre director and that's what makes him great. But his costuming for Woody Allen's "Sleeper" was more interesting than this one (and his costuming WAS cool - look for the nazi number).
I love the "Batman" series. The first two rocked and I did like the last one. But this one is not going to be one that I watch repeatedly like the other three. Hopefully, this will also serve as a springboard to a better Batman next time. And maybe they'll get smart and bring back Catwoman. And Michael Keaton. But we can only hope.
MY RATING (out of 5): **
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