**** = Perfection *** = Good not great ** = Not good, not bad - merely acceptable * = Not acceptable yet not unbearable, merely very bad ZERO = Horrid - avoid at all costs
When I was in 5th grade a teacher, speaking to the class, said "F- isn't a grade; it's sarcasm". The Island Of Doctor Moreau is an F- movie. Watching it is a painful excperience. It's the most over the top, campy, ridiculously silly film I have ever seen. As a comedy it's really enjoyable (ex: A friend and I were both rolling with laughter in the scene where you first see Moreau's daughter ). I'm not even sure if the filmmakers wanted you to take it seriously. It's hard to think they did. The embarrasing camera work, the terrible closeups, the bad monster make-up makes for an abysmal movie. Earlier that year I was sure no movie could be worse then, say, Spy Hard. I was wrong. Moreau does Ed Wood Proud.
But why? It had potential. The credits are fascinating, the first scene is terrific. It has a wonderful cast ( Val Kilmer and Marlon Brando, both in embarrasing performances ). When did it go over the top? They must have lost all perspective ( it's hard to not laugth out loud at the "five finger man" scene ). The movie is, in all seriousness, probably the worst one I have ever seen. Counting Mortal Combat. Counting WaterWorld. Counting The Fifth Element, and Spy Hard . Part of what makes it so awful is it's disrespect for the audience.
Great movies are never forgotten. I will never forget the sights of Vertigo, Psycho, The World Of Apu, City Lights, Modern Times, Battleship Potemkin, Singin' In The Rain, Casablanca or Citizen Kane ( etc. ). The Island Of Doctor Moreau could have been a great movie. Instead it settled for being one of the worst ever. I remember that upon it's initial release I saw a blurb in the newspaper: "Moreau is haunting!" it bragged. I agree.
Rating: Zero stars
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