WHAT WAS I THINKING?
A review of "Spawn"
I like comic books, and occasionally that causes problems. The prob- lem these days is that the affection leads me to see movies that most people can see coming for miles. They hide in concrete bunkers until the danger has pass- ed, and see films that are more worthwhile. How can you say that, you say. There's plenty of movies out there, and there's probably plenty that are an equivalent theft of two hours.
All I can say is, well, maybe.
"Spawn" starts out as a low-grade blend of "Darkman" and "The Crow", and goes downhill rapidly from that modest goal. I've rarely seen a movie with as much exposition as "Spawn" has, and yet almost NOTHING makes any sense. "Spawn" seems to be the story of Al Simmonds, some sort of hired gun working for some sort of CIA variant. The group assassinates political enemies of the U.S. in elaborate, supposedly covert ways that require a lot of special ef- fects. Well, Al being the Caring Family Guy that he is, can't take his job any more, and wants out. No way, says group leader Jason (Martin Sheen, sadly), well, all right -- as long as you do this One Last Job for us. Well, all right, says Al, and being the Good Team Member that he is, goes out to blow up a chemical weapons plant with agent Priest (Mindy Clarke, who is costumed dif- ferently than everyone else in the film) smirking portenteously in the back- ground. Of course, it's a double cross, and Jason blows up the plant with Al still in it (though he and Priest are there too, so I don't know how they es- caped meeting the same fate). Al dies, and is sent to some place that I still don't understand -- a set that's clearly been lifted from "Blade Runner" -- that isn't Hell, or Earth, either. Here he meets Count Cogliostro (Nicol Will- iamson, even more sadly) and The Violator (John Leguizamo), his Hellmates who attempt to fill us in on why all this is happening. Seems that the Violator is playing both Al/now Spawn and Jason for suckers -- he's trying to wipe out ev- eryone on Earth using greedy Jason's plans for power through his chemical weapon devices, and enlist Al/Spawn (using Al's devotion to his wife as lev- erage) to lead his army of the newly-dead to storm the pearly gates once the Earth is destroyed. Of course, the Violator is the right hand man for ol' Scratch himself, so this is a Conflict of Epic Proportions Between Good and Evil. Spawn is given a CG glop suit that can do lots of cool things, but it's never clear what the limits of it are, and the Count doesn't even get around to telling him (or us) about it 'til well past the halfway mark. Most of the first half is flashbacks, and that gets redundant fast. The middle is Spawn coming to terms with his angst, and learning a little about what's going on -- he has a run-in with Jason and Priest, who despite being set up a some sort of awesome assassin, is dispatched by Spawn in his first appear- ance almost immediately. She doesn't come back as an undead superhero, like Al. She's just dead. Of course, to say that "Spawn" is target marketed as a "guy thing" is something of an understatement. The rest of the film deals with him rebelling against his manipulators. If there is a message to "Spawn", it might be that we all are in control of our destinies, which isn't bad, but the amount of violence required to present it renders it somewhat ineffective. The Violator can turn into some sort of monster that intially seems pretty threatening, but winds up getting dispatched (after much frenetic editing) by getting its head chopped off. Well, not really -- it's just sort of killed in that sequel-promising way. The Devil is not only incapable of stopping Spawn from doing anything, it can't even move its mouth to its own dialogue. Most of the effects here aren't all that good, but the Devil (ostensibly a potential effects higlight) is particularly lackluster. There are a few decent shots in- volving Spawn's prehensile chains and cape, and some effective wallcrawling shots, but the editing weakens even these. Heck, half the time Spawn isn't ev- en masked. The Violator has a few passable lines out of hundreds. The pro- duction design is derivative, and Graeme Revell's score goes for moody goth -- some Danny Elfman energy would have been welcome here. Even the credit sequence is reminiscent of "Seven". It's difficult to imagine anyone, even fans of the comic, enjoying this. But then, "Heavy Metal" has been inflated to cult sta- tus, so who knows? Aggressive aversion recommended.
--
- Jeff "When I'm Finished With You, They'll Be Stumbling Over YOU In The Dark" Pidgeon
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