[video] "Lair of the White Worm" A Postview, copyright 1997 p-m agapow
In this adaptation of the Bram Stoker novel, a group of proper English types with room-temperature IQs are mystified by a local outbreak of vampirism, in between dream sequences that indulge the director's fetishes.
Alexei Sayle once listed the basic mysteries of the universe, concluding with "And why do people keep giving Ken Russell money to make films?" After this, you'll be wondering why too. His previous "Gothic" covered similar territory with at least some skill. In comparison, "Lair" takes a deep breath and dive-bombs straight into Bad Movie Hell.
Gathering together everyone on the books with a regional accent, we are introduced to the picturesque English countryside and a village, seemingly with a population of about six. Our four leads gambol and frolic in a manner not unlike Enid Blyton's "Famous Five". Julian Sands having passed on this film, we instead have Hugh Grant as dashing RAF pilot Lord James D'Ampton (really), looking as if he was sedated. (I envy him.) The neglected Peter Capaldi as a geek archaeologist gets to muse over a giant snake skull he has dug up, his acres of curly hair threatening to dominate every scene he is in. Catherine Oxenburg and Sammi Davis, their romantic interests, flit about until such a point as they can be captured by the bad guys. Just over on the next set, the slinky Lady Sylvia Marsh (Amanda Donohoe, she of the Acting Career That Would Not Die) chews scenery, stopping only to slaughter the occasional anorak-wearing nerd.
But this is a Ken Russell film, it's been 20 minutes and there haven't been any naked nuns yet! Wheel them on! Before you can say "a clear need for Freudian analysis" there's a dream sequence in which naked nuns are being raped by brutal centurions as a gloomy Christ looks on, restrained by a large latex worm.
Why?
Tiring of jaunting about in sports cars, sipping apertifs and competitive under-acting, Grant and Capaldi decide that something is amiss. (Although they wrongly conclude that it is Lady Sylvia and not the director.) Grant misses the obvious plan (invite the Lady Sylvia into his car down on the main road, get arrested and soon everyone will know what's going on) and basically wanders about in Lady Sylvia's gothic mansion for the rest of the picture. Capaldi is attacked by a snake-policeman and defends himself by charming the snake with music. (Or maybe it's an intense dislike of bagpipes. Capaldi in a kilt with bagpipes is a frightening thing.) Soon Donohoe sheds her clothes, paints herself blue and is threatening the girls with a massive strap-on (and a role in the sequel). But Capaldi has protected himself with snake anti-serum ("Where's the acting anti-serum?") and Donohoe is engulfed by a giant bendy snake.
There are some more naked nuns in there somewhere, but it's all become a blur to me.
Appalling. [*/misfire] and "Cannibal Apocalypse" on the Sid and Nancy scale.
"Lair of the White Worm" Directed by Ken Russell. Starring Amanda Donohoe, Hugh Grant, Catherine Oxenberg, Peter Capaldi, Sammi Davis. Released 1988.
------ paul-michael agapow (agapow@latcs1.oz.au), La Trobe Uni, Infocalypse "There is no adventure, there is no romance, there is only trouble and desire."
The review above was posted to the
rec.arts.movies.reviews newsgroup (de.rec.film.kritiken for German reviews).
The Internet Movie Database accepts no responsibility for the contents of the
review and has no editorial control. Unless stated otherwise, the copyright
belongs to the author.
Please direct comments/criticisms of the review to relevant newsgroups.
Broken URLs inthe reviews are the responsibility of the author.
The formatting of the review is likely to differ from the original due
to ASCII to HTML conversion.
Related links: index of all rec.arts.movies.reviews reviews