SCREAM 1996
A film review by Timothy Voon
Copyright 1997 Timothy Voon
Cast: Neve Campbell, Rose McGowan, Skeet Ulrich, Courteney Cox, David Arquette, Matthew Lillard, Jamie Kennedy, Drew Barrymore, Henry Winkler Director: Wes Craven Screenplay: Kevin Williamson
Ring, RING. Ring, RING. 'Hello, who is it?' Drew asks. (It's the pizza man.) 'I didn't order any pizza. You must have the wrong number.'
Ring, RING. Ring, RING. 'Hello who is it?' Drew asks again. (What are you doing?) 'Who is this?' (It's the pizza man.) 'I told you before. You must have the wrong number. I didn't order any pizza, I've already got popcorn. So buzz off.'
Ring, RING. Ring, RING. 'Hello?' Drew asks. (What's your favourite pizza?) 'Look I don't even like pizza. So leave me alone.' (Put the phone down again bitch, and I'll shove pizza down your scrawny little throat!) 'Who are you?' Whimper, whimper. (The pizza man. I told you already. So tell me what is your favourite pizza?) 'Look this isn't funny. My boyfriend's coming over anytime now. If you don't leave me alone you'll have to deal with him.' (Look outside the window) 'Why?' (Just do it!) 'SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!' (So tell me, what is your favourite pizza?) 'Leave him alone. What do you want?' (I want to play a game) 'What game?' (Answer the question correctly, and I promise that I won't drop the 200,000 pizzas on your boyfriend's head) 'Okay, I'll play just don't hurt him.' (Good then answer the question, what's your favourite pizza?) 'I only eat Vegetarian.' (So tell me, what is the other name for 'Asterolis Hungarus Marolis', which is a common ingredient used in the making of vegetarian pizzas?) 'I know this one, just give me a minute.' (Your time is running out little girl) 'It's the ..., it's the, ....it's the Capsicums.' (Yes, very good.) 'Now let my boyfriend go.' (The games, not over.) 'But you said you'd let him go if I answered the question correctly.' (I lied. Now here's the real 'live or die' question. If you answer this one correctly, he gets to live.) 'Noooooooo. That's not fair.' (Come on, you're doing so well. So tell me, in a 'B.B.Q. Leg-Of-Chicken' pizza, what is the main ingredient?) 'That's a tough one. Hold on ....it's .....it's.....' (Your time is running out little girl) 'It's chicken.' (Wrong.) 'I know it's chicken. I've eaten it a hundred times.' (I thought you said you were vegetarian?) 'I lied.' (The answer is still wrong. Everyone knows that there is no such thing as a 'B.B.Q. Leg-O-Chicken Pizza.', and even if there were such a thing, the main ingredient would be chicken feet.) 'That's not fair. That was a trick question!' (Bye, bye boyfriend.) 'No. SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!'
From 'The Very Private Telephone Conversations' of TMT Voon.
I've never quite liked horror movies. So I am glad I watched this particularly movie on video. You can tone down the screams with the volume control; and the blood bath of butchering frenzy is nicely reduced to a red fuzz on the screen with the fast forward button. I openly, and unashamedly admit, that I have never watched any classic horror movies like 'Friday the Thirteenth', 'Nightmare on Elm Street', 'Halloween', 'The Shining', 'Edward Scissorhands' (it's a joke) etc etc. And I have no great plans to watch any either. Excessive bloodiness is best left in abattoirs, and off the big screen.
However, I can say that the director Wes Craven, a name which inspires thoughts of shiny metal blades and ripping skin, has made a 'horror' flick much more acceptable by throwing in elements of a mystery/thriller, to balance out the unpleasant elements of pure horror. He has also carefully chosen a cast i.e. Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, Drew Barrymore names which are not synonymously linked with horror, to help draw a more general audience into that acquired taste for blood.
I have to admit that I thought the serial killer was the 'boyish' policeman from the word go. Boy was I wrong! I guess the bad hunch was an unfortunate after effect of watching 'Primal Fear'. Although the plot is unbelievable, it will keep you guessing right to the very end, and that's what any movie really needs to do if it is to get a favourable response from it's viewers.
Comment: What did you say? I can't hear you?
Fear Feel Scale: 0% Panic / *SCREAM* / 911 100%
Timothy Voon e-mail: stirling@netlink.com.au
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