A review by Max Scheinin Copyright, 1997, Max Scheinin
**** = perfection *** = good, not great ** = not good, not bad, merely acceptable * = not acceptable yet not horrid - merely very bad ZERO = horrid - avoid at all costs
Released 1997, will hopefully be immediately forgotten A master-of-disaster, Joel Shumacher film,"Batman And Robin". Starring: George Clooney, Chris O' Donnel, Arnold Schwarznegger, Alicia Silverstone, Uma Thurman, Michael Gough all in embarrasing star turns except for Uma and Mike who have nothing to do. Rating: Zero stars
[NEWSFLASH!] Important: all lovers of the character "Batman" tune in immediately. The latest Bat flick is in and we have the scoop on it: it's not as terrible as you thought it would be...it's worse. Chris O' Donnel is foremost in stinking up this miserable wreck of a "film". Arnie isn't far behind though. In fact, with the notable exception of Uma Thurman who is entertaining as Poison Ivy ( and the only reason I didn't walk out ) all members of the cast suck. It feels like a long time since Tim Burton made his wonderful first film; today we are being fed this awful gruel and I don't like it. We are not amused.
The film takes no time in falling flat on it's face. After the credits the one-liners start rolling in as Batman And Robin hop in their car and speed off to fight the diabolical Mr. Freeze ( whadaya know, they keep ice skates in their shoes, ain't that clever? ). Not only does the following action sequence make absoloutely no sense, it serves absoloutely no purpose in the story. Of course if it was exciting and well edited that wouldn't matter ( the cliffhanger in The Lost World served no purpose, but it was a brilliant scene and helped out an entertaining movie ), but it isn't. Not only did I have no idea what was going on, I had no interest in what was going on. And that's how I felt through out this entire movie. You see, there are no characters, no plot, no attempt to make the audience care what is happening on the screen.
And entire scenes are shot in huge stupid looking sets, where Bane and Poison Ivy grunt stupid things to eachother. Which brings us to the dialogue, which is non existent, because nobody talks to eachother. They talk to themselves ( by the end of the movie I was too ) trying to impress someone with there stinging wit ( "I want a car...chicks dig the car";"This is why Superman works alone" ) and never suceeding. This film is truly painful to watch.
Batman And Robin is a thought provoking film; why does Robin's costume have nipples? Where are the nipples on Batgirl's costume? Where did these people learn to "act"? Who cares? Why the hell was this movie made?
I have the information on Batman And Robin's running length somewhere around here, but I'm not going to take the time to look it up, because anybody stupid enougth to go see this movie after reading the above review doesn't really need to know the running length. The film is rated PG-13 because they wanted to attract a certain audience to see it and didn't suceed. It should be rated R. It is not accceptable for anyone of any age. Some of the sets are good, but that doesn't stop me from knowing that the movie sucks. I give it no stars. See Contact or Hercules instead.
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