KULL THE CONQUEROR
A Film Review by James Berardinelli
RATING (0 TO 10): 2.0 Alternative Scale: * out of ****
United States, 1997 U.S. Release Date: 8/29/97 (wide) Running Length: 1:35 MPAA Classification: PG-13 (Violence, sex) Theatrical Aspect Ratio: 2.35:1
Cast: Kevin Sorbo, Tia Carrere, Litefoot, Karina Lombard, Thomas Ian Griffith, Harvey Fierstein, Joe Shaw, Roy Brocksmith Director: John Nicolella Producer: Raffaella De Laurentiis Screenplay: Charles Edward Pogue "based on the worlds and characters of Robert E. Howard" Cinematography: Rodney Charters Music: Joel Goldsmith U.S. Distributor: Universal Pictures
Assigning a rating for KULL THE CONQUEROR is, in a way, a difficult decision. On one hand, this is a really bad movie. The acting is horrible, the visual effects are cheesy, the dialogue is moronic, and the action choreography is laughable. On the other hand, there is a degree of guilty pleasure to be had from watching something this inane. In fact, I believe director John Nicolella was aware of how bad the material was, and attempted to generate some campy, Ed Wood-type entertainment to keep viewers in their seats. It works. I never considered walking out on KULL THE CONQUEROR -- not because I cared about the character's fate, but because I wanted to see what example of ineptness lay just around the corner. It's been a while since I had this much fun at a one-star movie.
In early 1982, Dino DeLaurentiis and director John Milius took us into the mystical, violent world of pulp writer Robert E. Howard's most famous creation, CONAN THE BARBARIAN. It was an entertaining trip, primarily because the film makers found the right balance between kitsch and seriousness. The barbarian's quest for vengeance at times had the feel of an epic, but never strayed into the realm of pretentiousness. And, by borrowing numerous elements from Howard's stories, the film effectively recreated the feel of a Conan yarn. CONAN THE BARBARIAN, which set Arnold Schwarzenegger on the road to superstardom, was a financial success, so a sequel was inevitable. Shockingly, however, there was little in 1984's CONAN THE DESTROYER that recalled the movie's predecessor. DESTROYER was an exercise in high camp -- a comic book come to life that represented a stunning example of big-budget badness. One year later, RED SONJA, another tale in the same world (and arguably a worse film than CONAN THE DESTROYER), made a brief stop in theaters on its way to video. A third Conan movie was planned, but, due to Schwarzenegger's unavailability, it was never made. Nevertheless, the screenplay existed, and, following a re-write, it emerged with a new hero (another of Howard's many protagonists) and a new title: KULL THE CONQUEROR.
This film is a worthy successor to the legacy of RED SONJA and the second Conan movie -- it's as deliciously awful and as fun to watch. The story, such as it is, tells the tale of the mighty Kull (Kevin Sorbo, the hot, hunky hero of TV's HERCULES), a barbarian from Atlantis who, through an accident of fate, becomes king of the mighty kingdom of Valusia. But evil is brewing behind-the-scenes. The wizard Dalgar (Joe Shaw) resurrects Akivasha (Tia Carrere), the 3000 year old ruler of an ancient kingdom. She bewitches Kull into marrying her so that, as queen of Valusia, she can revive her reign of chaos. In order to prevent this, Kull; his true love, the slave girl, Zareta (Karina Lombard); and a renegade priest (Litefoot) must travel to the icy north on a quest for the breath of a god -- the only power that can stop Akivasha.
By their nature, swords and sorcery plots tend to be rather limited in scope and originality -- they involve a lot of battles with demons and wizards, a few truly nasty villains, some helpful henchmen, and a quest or two. KULL THE CONQUEROR can boast all of these elements, but they aren't put together with a great deal of intelligence or panache. On top of that, the cast, from top to bottom, is awful. Kevin Sorbo, while probably a better actor than Schwarzenegger, doesn't have the range to give Kull more than one mode: the slightly-sarcastic hero. Tia Carrere indicates that she's a lot more attractive than she is talented, and Karina Lombard shows the same stiffness she has displayed in her previous roles (she was last seen in LAST MAN STANDING). Litefoot (THE INDIAN IN THE CUPBOARD) might give Steven Seagal a run for his money in the Wooden Man of the Year competition. The lone bright spot is Harvey Fierstein, who gives a hilarious turn as an untrustworthy merchant friend of Kull's. Fierstein plays the part with true gusto, delivering his atrocious dialogue in a manner that's likely to cause paroxysms of laughter.
Where else does the film go wrong? (A better question might be, where does it go right?) In an age of top-flight special effects, KULL's are unbelievably cheap-looking. Joel Goldsmith's score, which includes a heavy metal accompaniment to sword fights, belongs in the "What were they thinking?" category. And, worst of all, the sex and violence have lost their visceral potency as a result of being sanitized to earn the film a PG-13 rating. There are no graphic maimings or naked breasts -- the whole thing comes across as ludicrously tame for a genre that is supposed to revel in blood and bare flesh.
As for the rating. . . I have elected to give KULL one star, because, on merit, it doesn't deserve anything better. (In fact, an argument could be made that it deserves worse.) However, this is the kind of thing that's worth seeing if you're in the mood to laugh at the movie, rather than with it. KULL THE CONQUEROR will offer a portion of its audience a very good time, although perhaps not in quite the way the film makers intended.
Copyright 1997 James Berardinelli
- James Berardinelli e-mail: berardin@mail.cybernex.net
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