EXCESS BAGGAGE
A film review by Andrew Hicks
Copyright 1997 Andrew Hicks / Fatboy Productions
(1997) * (out of four)
BATMAN AND ROBIN was probably supposed to be the turning point in the career of Alicia Silverstone, the role that would make her a box office superstar rather than just the Moon Pie-faced cutie that carried such worthless "the" movies as THE CRUSH and THE BABYSITTER. The fourth BATMAN film, of course, turned out far worse than expected, in quality and quantity (at the box office), then Silverstone made the not-so-brilliant choice to follow that mistake up with EXCESS BAGGAGE , which will probably have her doing Aerosmith videos again by the year 1999.
Read my old reviews of Silverstone efforts and you'll see I had a killer crush on her through my late high school years -- 1993 through 1995. Back then, I was convinced that she had enough beauty and charm that, if she could ever pick a decent script, she would be a force to be reckoned with at the office. Now I realize that can't happen. Two or three bad movies could be a coincidence, but when you get to turkey number five, six and seven, it's time to get out of Hollywood and let some other teenage bulemic take her turn.
It sounds mean, but I've got no more patience for Alicia. Where a media-created infatuation used to lie, now I wonder what it was I liked about her in the first place. She's never acted convincingly in any movie other than CLUELESS, and then because the ditz character was tailored to her personality. Even though I didn't like it the first time out, I admit CLUELESS was her defining movie. I've taken the advice of countless e-mailers and watched the film again -- and, no, it's not as bad as I thought. I'd up it to a two-and-a-half star rating in the wake of other Silverstone disasters. At least she was likeable there.
I went to see EXCESS BAGGAGE at the insistence of my younger brother, who's just now going through his Silverstone phase, maybe a little late. I've talked to a lot of guys my age and we were all infatuated with her at one time. This is the first time I've realized just how annoying she is when you're not attracted to her. Freed from my past crush, I could finally watch objectively as Silverstone embarrassed herself in her worst movie since THE BABYSITTER, even though this one had a budget and a theatrical release.
Silverstone plays a none-too-intelligent spoiled brat (a serious method acting role for her) who stages her own kidnapping as a last-ditch effort to gain her father's attention and affection. The movie, thankfully foregoing any buildup to the fake kidnapping, joins her just as she is arranging to have the ransom exchange. Then she handcuffs herself (a private preference of hers) and locks herself in the trunk. So far, so good. Then comes a fatal mistake -- car thief Benicio Del Toro decides to steal her BMW. That's not the mistake; the mistake is letting her out of the trunk when we all would have been much happier leaving her in.
This starts a series of predictable scenes -- brat Silverstone kicks him in the crotch, he locks her in the bathroom, she burns down the warehouse with a discarded cigarette butt, they end up in a car together, he dumps her, he finds out who she is and goes back to get her, she claims he molested her (in the movie's only funny line, "Daddy, he made me touch his penis," made even more amusing when you realize she wasn't talking about Benicio but the executive who was casting this movie), they fall in love -- that each become more tedious and grating than the last.
Then there are two supporting characters that lend nothing to the film. There's Harry Connick, Jr. (it had to be him) as Benicio's associate, who shows up a couple times to demand his money and ask what the hell's going on, why Alicia's still there, etc. And there's Christopher Walken, the uncle who is really sort of a surrogate father to Alicia. Walken tries to act fatherly but comes off creepier than normal in scenes where he tries to track down Alicio and Benicia.
None of this is the least bit amusing, intelligent or fun in execution. Alicia is unconvincing as the bad girl who has to smoke and cuss, Benicio is confusing in a performance that is a bizarre combination of Nicholson, French Stewart and Brad Pitt… hell, everyone is miscast except for Connick and he might as well not even be in the movie. Bad acting and bad writing combine to give this movie a plodding pace that makes it seem like it will never end. Better give Steven Tyler a call, Alicia.
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