A SIMPLE WISH 100
A film review by Timothy Voon
Copyright 1997 Timothy Voon
5 :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( for scarring children
Cast: Mara Wilson, Martin Short, Kathleen Turner, Francis Capra, Robert Pastorelli, Amanda Plummer, Teri Garr, Ruby Dee Director: Michael Ritchie Screenplay: Jeff Rothberg
There's nothing simple about a movie which is more adequately described as handicapped, retarded and disabled. Big warning bells should be ringing in any parent's mind, if a strange man suddenly walks into their child's bedroom, claiming to be a Fairy Godmother. My first reaction would be to break his weedy little wand, before promptly raising a double barrelled shot gun to his face.
This is a 'Cinderella' story gone badly wrong. A little girl's world is turned upside down by the annoying intrusion of a whiny, whimpish, incompetent Fairy Godfather (Martin Short). The result is a wish gone awry - the girl's father becomes a statue, and his horse and carriage turns into a mouse and pumpkin. Unless the spell is broken by midnight, they will remain animal, mineral and vegetable forever. In the midst of this mini-crisis, the evil witch, ex-fairy godmother Claudia (Kathleen Turner), has also stolen the wands of all the good Fairy Godmothers.
Waves of nausea begin minutes into the movie, when Martin Short starts waving his accident prone wand about the screen. This reaches full-throttled retching, stomach churning gagging, and recurrent barfing when a man starts to vomit frogs. This is probably a good time to exit before the mean 'runs' start as well. If this movie was meant to make children laugh, I didn't hear it. In fact the only noises I heard throughout this screening were whimpering children frightened by the Fairy Godfather 'oddity', and cries from others wanting to leave. Kids, help your parent's save money; parent's protect your child's sanity; go home and watch a good episode of 'Lassie' instead.
Fairy Godfathers are a fairy tale rarity. After this disgraceful portrayal of male fairies, perhaps extinction would be the most humane option - before another child makes the erroneous mistake of making a not so simple wish - subjugating the world to further unnecessary terror.
Timothy Voon e-mail: stirling@netlink.com.au
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