Cop Land (1997)
Seen on 20 September 1997 at the Cineplex Baronet Coronet for free.
What has an ensemble cast, pointless flashbacks, a love of policemen, 90 minutes to bore an audience to death, has only two funny moments, one overblown dramatic moment, and stinks? No, it's not Mayor Giuliani's campaign. It's Cop Land. A lot of people were leaving the theatre within the first half hour. Of course, it was free to anyone who was there for the preview. I would have left, but I rarely leave a theatre, and besides, I had to see if this would be the worst movie I have seen since Excess Baggage.
Cop Land would probably read better than it films. The high-concept premise here is that Garrison, NJ (not it's real name) is a town of 1280 people, mostly police (all of whom are white) and their families and embroiled in a deep cover up. Already, the prospect of watching corrupt straight white men is unappealing; I could just watch the news every night and review that.
Sheriff Freddy Heflin (Sylvester Stallone) is the "law" in Garrison, and he has a childlike trust in those who have empowered him to guard the American Dream. The worst thing that happens to him is bumping his nose on the steering wheel while swerving to miss a deer caught in his headlights. But the American Dream, in this case, is built an a lie. Oooooo. How shocking. Corrupt cops (Harvey Keitel, Ray Liotta, Peter Berg, etc.) work in New York City, which they hate, and come home to be above the law to a town across the George Washington Bridge, which, oh so ironically, overlooks New York.
The plot thickens when hero cop "Superboy" (Michael Rappoport) screws up and is forced fake his own death after killing two delinquent, reckless, but ultimately harmless black youth. Lots of subplots and "buddy boy" nonsense ensues. The film takes its sweet time and when Freddy finally figures out he is living in a gangster movie, it is too late to care. That he is deaf in one ear, the result of saving the love of his teen years, who married some other putz, keeps him off the NYPD he reveres, and out of our sympathies.
Ultimately, Cop Land is something that would have been a great book, but is in fact, a dreadful movie. There are simply too many characters and subplots to keep track of or care about. I watch soap operas and read 19th Century Russian novels, but this was too much of a challenge. There are so many other ways to watch stories like these, and one springs to mind. NYPD Blue. Tuesday nights on ABC, 10 Eastern, 9 Central. Slow and steady builds audience interest. Throwing dressed up pigs (no pun intended) in the form of an All-Star cast into this mishmash was a real waste. The only actor missing from this mix was Steve Buscemi.
One of Three Woman Shown in the Cast: Cathy Moriarity, who is often seen holding a drink or looking like she ought to be.
Most Annoyed Actor with a Bad Haircut: Robert De Niro as the very exasperated Internal Affairs officer with a very very very bad haircut.
Smartest Actor: Janeane Garofolo, as the Sheriff's Deputy who does the only logical thing in the movie; she leaves town.
Best Ironic Line: Ray Liotta tells Stallone that there are two kinds of people in this world: Video game players and pinball players. I guess those were the intended audience members.
More movie reviews by Seth Bookey, with graphics, can be found at http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2679/kino.html
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