SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL 1997
A film review by Timothy Voon
Copyright 1997 Timothy Voon
2 :-) :-) for making me feel very, very, very safe
Cast: Sandra Bullock, Jason Patric, Willem Dafoe, Temuera Morrison, Brian McCardie, Christine Firkins, Royale Watkins Director: Jan de Bont Screenplay: Randall McCormick and Jeff Nathanson based on a story by Jan de Bont and Randall McCormick
A stroll in the park, a bicycle ride, or even a paddle boat ride on the lake would probably carry more excitement than this ship full of bores. The only velocity that this movie creates is a hearty yawn, a deep sigh and perhaps a burp to help the coke go down better. I have fond memories of the original "Speed" leaving me with breathless anxiety for a bus full of trapped passengers, an unstoppable train carrying hero and heroine towards their imminent doom. What has happened to the nerve racking tension, the bullet hardened action, and the precise timing of cliff hanging situations???? Well it all sank along with the good intentions of this boat full of hopeless wannabe action heroes. Yes, the fast bus has been replaced by a big, big cumbersome slow moving boat.
We all know that Keanu Reeves can't act, so they've filled his missing shoes with someone of equal talent. Jason Patric, a lad who not only can't act, but goes a step further when he decides to carry the same bored expression throughout the movie. Go back to sleep Jason, I'll wake you up when the movie is over. In fact the only time Jason shows any interest in his surroundings, is when he flirts with a teenage girl using sign language; but how does the audience know he's interested? Work on that smile Jason - it may come in handy in your next movie; and remember you need to frown when suffering from sea sickness, and don't forget there's an expression for pain if injured. If you need any help in that department, my suggestion is - finger in the blender.
Willem Defoe is the vengeful computer expert, whose haematological "leech" sucking disorder has led him to sabotage the ship's electrical systems. Much better acting than Jason, but who's comparing. Sandra Bullock on the other hand is the movie's only likeable element. She mosies about with good humour and wit. When she starts wielding a chain saw, you get the strangest feeling that everything is going to be all right. BZZZZZZZ! She isn't given as much responsibility as in the original speed, but has her moments usually saving Jason Patric.
So we're back to Jason again. I don't know how to describe his character, he's not really a hero or an anti-hero, he's just too dumb to be either. It's not let's have a go at Jason day, but I just have to mention a couple of dumb things he does.
1. On saving passengers aboard a dangerously dangling lifeboat. His option is throw himself and a rope ladder aboard, and to get them out one by one when there are only minutes to spare. He not only endangers his own life but everyone else's as well. Sandra comes to the rescue. Her option is to lower the gang plank so they can all walk safely aboard. Now why didn't he think of that?
2. On chasing the enemy, he runs into Willem Defoe's trap like a rabbit into a snare. Yes, Sandra appears again to rescue her poor little darling.
3. On slowing the boat down. "Flood it, flood it" he screams. Ooops. Jason we should think before we scream. There's that sweet little deaf girl on the lower deck who is about to be blowing water bubbles soon. Not to mention that something important in engineering which has just disappeared underwater.
4. Still on slowing the boat down. "Let's stuff up the propeller with cable". Ooops, we almost forgot about the dangerous under tow. Don't press that button Sandra, you've been saving his arse way too often.
5. On saving Sandra. No Jason, please don't.
My after thoughts are - why didn't they let Sandra steer instead? She drove that damned bus pretty well! If Jan de Bont directed "Twister" and "Speed", he should have shown better judgement, than to waste money on a poorly written sequel of megalomaniac proportions. I mean wasting 30 million on a sea port, for ten very mediocre final minutes - I say donate the money to UNICEF instead.
Timothy Voon e-mail: stirling@netlink.com.au
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