FEELING MINNESOTA A film review by Andrew Hicks Copyright 1997 Andrew Hicks
(1996) *1/2 (out of four)
In FEELING MINNESOTA, a lot of likeable stars say and do a lot of stupid, incomprehensible things. It's the kind of movie that, with every plot development, makes you ask yourself, "What ninth grade English class short story was this movie adapted from?" I blame the script, which seems to promise a plot that will take off, revealing some kind of cleverness or insight into the characters. It never does, falling back on half-thought out blackmail schemes and mistaken murders instead. There's dialogue like "Life is like this orange. It's round, it comes back to repeat itself." There are a hundred other lines like that, delivered straight by the likes of geniune talents who are apparently bound by contract to say whatever the director tells them to.
FEELING MINNESOTA stars Keanu Reeves and Vincent D'Onofrio (the alien-inhabited farmer in MEN IN BLACK) as a pair of lowlife brothers, one who spends most of his time locked up and one who should be. D'Onofrio is an accountant for organized crime man Delroy Lindo who is given, as a reward, Cameron Diaz. It's a damn good reward, as any heterosexual man can tell you, and D'Onofrio puts it to good use, dragging her immediately and reluctantly to the altar. That's when Reeves shows up, invited by his mother (Tuesday Weld, about 40 years past "Dobie Gillis").
This being a movie, not an hour passes from the vows to Diaz, still in her wedding dress, humping Reeves' brains out on the bathroom floor. It's the start of what Prince would call a strange relationship that leads to Diaz begging Reeves to take her with him, Reeves refusing, Diaz humping his brains out in the front seat of the car, Reeves taking her, Diaz insisting they go back to get some money D'Onofrio stole from Lindo, Reeves going back, D'Onofrio biting his ear off, and so on.
It's after that point that FEELING MINNESOTA really starts to get bad. The plot keeps, like that orange, going around and around, shifting from similar locale to similar locale, making turns we can see miles away and spewing that horrible dialogue like regurgitated bile... really disgusting regurgitated bile. We meet corrupt cop Dan Aykroyd and diner waitress Courtney Love, who never quite figures out why repeat customer D'Onofrio has blood all over him and a wad of money in a garbage bag.
All the time, you're wondering why those poor actors are putting up with it. Keanu, sure, he's cut out for this kind of crap (playing a character named, no kidding, "Jjaks"), but people like D'Onofrio, Diaz and Lindo should know better. Trust me, after watching this movie, Minnesota is something you _don't_ want to be feeling.
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