Heinlein novel mutates into Intergalactic Hills 90210
Starship Troopers A Film Review By Michael Redman Copyright 1997 By Michael Redman
*1/2 (out of ****)
Based on the previews, I walked into the theater expecting to see a mediocre science fiction film. I was disappointed.
This movie couldn't even aspire to be mediocre.
Although I have read several Heinlein books, I have to confess that I've skipped "Starship Troopers", but I can't imagine that the author of "Stranger In A Strange Land" could have written anything as vapid as what show up on the screen. What we get instead is a film as insipid as the prime time teenage soaps.
In the unspecified, but unmistakably far-flung future, everyone lives happily under a kindly fascist government where the citizens are allowed to vote only after two years in the military. The film plays both sides of the coin: both glorifying the Nazi (and make no mistake, they are Nazis, even down to the SS) military while at the same time satirizing it.
After graduating high school in Buenos Aires, Carmen Ibanez (Denise Richards) heads to the Fleet Academy to pilot starships. As is the wont of teenage boys, her sweetheart Johnny Rico (Casper Van Dien) joins up to impress her, but he only makes Mobile Infantry. Dizzy Flores (Dina Meyer) who has the hots for Johnny follows him. Another buddy, Carl Jenkins (Neil Patrick Harris from Doogie Howser) gets placed in Military Intelligence.
Oddly enough, everyone we see from the South American city is about as WASPy as they could be and would be more at home in the LA valley. Perhaps in the future, the United States has taken over the entire western hemisphere. Or just maybe it was thought that a white cast would draw more of an audience.
While the lovers are separated, Dizzy demonstrates her affection for Johnny and Carmen sends him a "Dear John" letter after falling for his high school rival Zander Barcalow (Patrick Muldoon). To make their personal lives even more complicated, hideous nasty "bugs" from across the galaxy hit their home town with an asteroid destroying the city.
Earth marshals its forces, sending them light years away to the bug home planet of Klendathu in an all-out war to obliterate the enemy. Then comes the scenes you've seen on the commercials. Soldiers shooting and blowing up huge ugly insectoids while the aliens slicing and dicing the humans.
The film has only two problems: it's boring and it rarely makes sense.
The first seven or eight hours of the movie focuses on the love quadrangle and the personal life of the kids. Obviously what director Paul Verhoeven ("Robocop", "Total Recall", "Showgirls") had in mind was to get the audience emotionally involved with the characters so that we would be concerned about them when they went into battle.
Good idea. It's too bad that the concept is so poorly executed that that when it comes down to life or death, we don't care. The only reason that we side with the humans is that the bugs are even more bizarre.
Since most of the budget was spent on effects, it's not necessarily a bad notion to cast primarily unknowns. It would seem, however, that if one would want to make sure that some of them could act. The stars all __look good__, but they belong in underwear ads rather than in a major motion picture. Meyer's Dizzy is the only one who shows any signs of life. Later Gary Busey's son Jake is entertaining as a fellow soldier. The sole accomplishment of the first half of the film is to make the audience anxious for the action to start.
When the war does begin, it also __looks good__. The computer generated aliens are at times among the best effects ever on screen although occasionally they look almost as fake as the terminally attractive actors.
Many of the effects are as comical as they are visually impressive. The sight of bugs farting plasma into space destroying star cruisers can't help but bring laughter.
Speaking of special effects and as interesting as it is, a co-ed shower scene appears to exist only to flash dozens of breasts. The female and ethnic characters don't fare well. One woman dies happy because she was finally able to "have" her love interest the night before.
It's impossible to understand how the civilization advanced so far that it could travel to distant planets yet be so stupid. The enemy is built like a tank and as difficult to destroy. What do the military masterminds send against it? Foot soldiers armed with guns that shoot bullets.
Bullets? Earth has faster-than-light vehicles yet arms its military with bullets? Wouldn't you think that weapons would have advanced a bit in the years? Admittedly they also have hand-held nuclear weapons (which miraculously the warriors only had to be a few feet away from to avoid damage), but there no in-between arms. You'd think that they could at least have cans of Raid.
Admittedly I have no military experience, but even I would send in air attacks before dispatching a few platoons to fight thousands of the monsters. I also might not encourage a loud drunken party while camped surrounded by the enemy.
Some of the failings come from mucking around with Heinlein's book. His characters were multi-racial (Johnny was Filipino "Juan"). Flores was changed from male to female and Barcalow invented for the film so the more soap-operaish aspects could be exploited. The sex and nudity was also concocted. His infantry was armed with formidable "power suits".
To be truthful, many critics have raved about the film. Maybe I just don't get it. The best thing I can find to say is that it is better than Verhoeven's last offering: the atrocious "Showgirls". Not much better, but as they say: tiny steps.
(Michael Redman, after over 22 years of writing this column, thinks he would have learned not to expect much from an effects film but he still remains hopeful for "Alien Resurrection". Email to the usual address would be useless right now, so don't even try.)
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